How childhood trauma in parents affects them

The childhood trauma can be categorised as adverse childhood experiences (ACEs). The adverse childhood experiences are typically traumatic in nature, including experiences of violence, emotional neglect, emotional abuse, witnessing violence at home. Perhaps, it is the environment in which a child grows that plays a crucial role, moulding how an individual may see and connect with their environment as adults.
Researchers have found that early exposure to trauma or situations with high repeated stress alter the neural connections in the brain. For example, a child growing up in a household where he is exposed to regular outbursts of violence, develops a certain coping mechanism to deal with the situation and its stress. When these children grow up to be adults, they find difficulties in dealing with different emotions, and forming relations with others around them.
An adult or parent with childhood trauma impacts their parenting style in the following ways:

1. Bonds with children:

Bonds with children may feel as a burden to the parent. It may feel that they have added responsibility, leading to ignorance of the child during the developing years.

2. Being Overprotective or Overcompensatory:

For example, a child needs to explore the environment while growing up, an overprotective parent will not allow the child to do anything new, resulting in inhibition of exploration and stunted response to the environment. Sometimes it may lead to developmental delays in children.

3. Retraumatization:

According to Shreya Malik, lead clinical psychologist, Lissun, “As a parent when “parent” is unable to fulfil either their own dreams or the dreams of their parents, they put pressure on their child to achieve certain dreams, or follow particular routines etc, leading to emotional disconnect between the parent and child.”

4. Parented by the Child:

In such a case the child dominates the parents according to their demands and the attention they need. The parent finds it challenging to be an authority figure to parent the child.

5. Neglect Parenting:

The child in this case explores and makes sense of their environment on their own, as the parent is unable to provide guidance. The parent neglects both good and bad behaviours of the child. Such children may become bullies at school or may indulge in attention seeking behaviours. Sometimes it may increase to a dangerous level, for example self harm behaviour, blackmailing.
To break the chain the parents can practise positive parenting and work on healing their own trauma. Positive parenting is a practice involving reinforcement of healthy behaviours and reshaping the unhealthy patterns, it also encourages the child to explore their environment in a guided way, enabling a healthy development of the child.
Before criticising the child, parents can reflect on what it is that they can do to make the child grow in a positive direction. It is observed that in 85% of the cases, when the parents reflect and work on themselves and the situation, the outcome becomes positive.