I’m living my K-drama dreams in South Korea as a PhD student

32-year-old Monica Malik is giving us serious main character energy

 

I knew little about South Korea until I stumbled upon the popular K-drama Crash Landing on You (Here are some other K-drama recommendations to watch next) on Netflix around four years ago. Instantly hooked, I continued to binge every single show featuring Hyun Bin, the male lead, regardless of how good or bad it was. I was fascinated by South Korean culture, especially its subversive masculinity and romantic relationships. Men cried openly and showed vulnerability instead of succumbing to rage or bottling up their feelings. However, my engagement with K-culture was limited to the screen, until I found an opportunity to pursue my PhD there.

A PhD had always been on my agenda, but growing up in Goa I never imagined I could do it in South Korea. I applied for a computational research role in chemical engineering at the University of Ulsan (I’ve always been a physics nerd). Fortunately, after seeking some help with my applications and interviews, everything fell into place, and I arrived in Ulsan earlier this year, in February.

Most people associate South Korea with Seoul or Busan, but I chose Ulsan because it’s a smaller city and more suited to the pace I was accustomed to in Goa. It’s the country’s industrial hub, with all the features of a modern city, where people speak more Korean than English.

My arrival in Ulsan wasn’t the smoothest. I had planned to get a local SIM at the airport once I landed in South Korea, but discovered that this was impossible without a residence card, which I didn’t have yet. So on my first day, I cried in the taxi, struggling to give directions to the driver, and trying to find my way home without any internet connection.

The first week was challenging to say the least. I felt lost — no one spoke English, and without translation apps I had to rely on awkward gestures to communicate my needs. A few days later I finally gathered the courage to socialise. My Indian senior introduced me to other Indians on campus, who became my first friends. However, I was eager to connect with locals to learn the language and culture.

I soon realised that in South Korea, age is a crucial factor in forming friendships, as Koreans often befriend people of the same age. My first local friend was a girl I met on the subway, who seemed to be slightly younger than me. As we chatted and made plans to grab a drink, I mentioned that I was 32. Her face fell, but she quickly recovered. Despite her evident hesitation, we ended up enjoying soju and beer together, and she still remains a good acquaintance.

Eventually, my circle of Korean friends began to grow like a Jenga tower, thanks to someone I met on a language-learning app that connects users to native speakers. Although we didn’t click initially, we ended up bonding after a hospital visit. I had moved to Ulsan in spring and was struggling with breathing issues due to seasonal changes and pollution. I needed a translator, and he was the only person I knew who spoke both Korean and English. He was kind enough to assist me with public transport, the doctor’s consultation and ordering essentials; we remain good friends even today.

Over time I noticed small but notable cultural differences, like a self-checkout honour system at department stores, and the widespread feeling of public safety. Koreans place a lot of emphasis on maintaining a clean legal record, which is scrutinised while applying for jobs. Theft is rare here, and while I’d heard that leaving your phone behind in South Korea is safe, I thought this was an exaggeration. But it’s true—people are cautious about physical contact, so lost items are rarely taken.

The dating culture is also quite different. In India, casual dating without commitment is becoming popular, but in South Korea, many prefer traditional, long-term relationships. My partner told me he loved me on our first date, which left me speechless. We both intended to date with marriage in mind, but his immediate declaration of “saranghae (I love you)” was surprising. He explained that I met all his criteria for a partner, which was a bit overwhelming, but we’ve been together for three months now in a mature and stable relationship.

I found Koreans to be just as charming as they appear to be in K-dramas. They are neat and well-groomed with minimal facial hair, and exhibit a soft form of masculinity that’s very attractive. Social etiquette is important here; for instance, it’s polite to turn away from older individuals when taking the first sip of an alcoholic drink.

South Korea is a homogeneous country, and multicultural environments are rare. You need an open mindset to adapt and appreciate the culture here. Without it, you might misinterpret South Koreans as unfriendly or racist, which is not the case.

For example, certain bars and restaurants here do not admit foreigners. This might seem discriminatory, or unfriendly, but after speaking to several locals, I realised this is an attempt to protect their comfort and space. Foreigners can disregard social norms, which can make locals uncomfortable. To help other immigrants and travellers understand these cultural nuances, I began documenting my observations and experiences in South Korea on Threads. For more local insights, you can also browse Naver, the South Korean equivalent of Google, which hosts local blogs.

Back in my hometown, we used to say that despite being a popular tourist destination, Goa’s best spots are still well-kept secrets. I am now realising that this is also true for South Korea. I have discovered so many small towns that are infinitely more charming than the popular tourist trail. For instance, Yeosu is a lovely coastal town that’s popular among locals but overlooked by foreign tourists. I also adore the Tongdosa temple in Gyeongsang Province, as well as Yangsan, which is famous for its hiking routes and is beautiful beyond words. I have trekked there on three different trails and never once met a foreigner.

After living here for six months, I have begun to see how South Korea has influenced me. For one, I’ve become an ardent follower of rules since moving here. While I’ve experienced cleanliness and order in Europe, I’ve never witnessed such enthusiastic adherence to rules anywhere else in the world. Most importantly, after all my travels, this is the only place that has come close to feeling as calm and homely as Goa, which makes me feel like I could stay here forever.

This is a personal account as told to Shivani Pathak