ONE secret to building strong relationships

Have you ever wondered if there is any secret ingredient that can help build strong relationships? Well, now there is. It is called responding to each other’s ‘bids for connection‘– whether it is in friendship, romantic relationships, or even equations at the workplace.

According to clinical psychologist Dr. Julie Schwartz Gottman, “Bids for connection are when one partner reaches out to the other person for either interest or a conversation or expressing a need…Depending on how the partner responds, the relationship either succeeds or doesn’t do so well,” reported CNN. Dr. Julie Schwartz Gottman and her husband Dr. John Gottman have researched couples for over 40 years to study what makes relationships work.
These bids could be anything as simple as small talk, or a hug or even a smile. What matters is how one person’s bid to connect is responded to by the other person. If someone responds positively by reciprocating back, it helps in building and growing a relationship. This is referred to as “turning towards” by Dr. Julie Schwartz Gottman. However, if a person’s bid to connect is often rejected (referred to as “turning away”) or worse responded to with a negative comment (called “turning against”), then it would lead to the break-down of a relationship in the long run, as per Dr. Gottman.
A CNN report reads, ‘The basis of “bids for connection” stems from the Gottmans’ “Love Lab” research, which started in 1986 and tracked couples for six years. At the end of that time, the couples still together were found to have responded to each other’s bids 86% of the time, while those who split up only responded 33% of the time’.
As per Dr. Julie Schwartz Gottman and her husband Dr. John Gottman’s research, this holds true not just for romantic relationships but also for other relationships in life– be it friendships, parent-child bonds, or even equations at the workplace.
It is often said that communication is key for any relationship to grow and thrive. And so, how one responds to a person’s ‘bids for connection’ from the Gottmans’ “Love Lab” research is proof of this.
Do you agree with this concept? Tell us in the comments below.